"Scale keeps forming inside the kettle", complained Tom, "This old pipe is rusty", said Tom, ironically. "Take plenty of the dark purple solution", Tom offered, Physical Chemistry is research on everything for which the negative logarithm Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Make it myself? But I'm a physical organic chemist! It's good to keep a positive attitude and not have an electron cloud hanging Starts talking about furry animals and organized labor, keep walking." Isaac Asimov said that if you want to find a chemist, ask him/her to discuss If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. If a bear in Yosemite and one in Alaska both fall into the water, which oneĭissolves faster? The one in Alaska, because it is polar. Replied, "No, I'm using distilled water." Her, "I hope you are not washing those plates under the tap!" She I was helping out in a first year undergraduate practical class when I cameĪcross a girl who was washing Potassium Bromide plates under the tap. How many physical chemists does it take to wash a beaker? None. How many physical chemists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he'll change it three times, plot a straight line through the data, and then extrapolate to zero concentration. How many atoms in a guacamole? Avocado's number. How do you make a 24-molar solution? Put you artificial teeth in water. How about the chemical workers - are they unionized? Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium H 2O is water and H 2O 2 is hydrogen peroxide. Got mole problems? Call Avogadro at 602-1023. "unionized" a synonym for neutral? (No, it means they will stopĬarrying a charge until they get more money.)Ĭhemistry is really funny there are even people who laugh at nitrogen(I)ĭid you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at hisįree radicals have revolutionized chemistry. We can't serve aĪnother example is the name for a molecule that is not ionized. "Sorry, our maximum occupancy is only 6.00 x 10 23. Other, 'Non-polar.') Man: Sorry, I just don't think the chemistry is right.Ī mole of moles would collapse under its own weight and become a black mole.Ī mordant thought: Old color chemists never dye, they just fade awayĪ small furry mammal walks into a bar and orders a drink. Names and weights." One kid popped up, "Yeah, but teach, there were so She said "Why when I was your age I knew both their A chemistry teacher was berating the students for not learning the Periodic
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